it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
