I must be too annoying 4 u.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
