Just cropdusted the office
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
