I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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