garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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