I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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