he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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