last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
A bitchslap is in order.
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