so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just threw up on my dentist
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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