i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
