OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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