About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
