Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
