Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
