you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
