Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
