small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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