Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
