So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Even my vagina gasped.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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