he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
