Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think your dad took our porno
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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