So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This is my gift to your gina
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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