Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
