so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
