My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
