You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
