my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
