roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
