yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
