She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
