It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
