Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
