Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
