i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
