I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
