in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
