Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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