so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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