the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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