erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
