I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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