I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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