I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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