i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
