I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It's never too late to be topless.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
