Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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