thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
