I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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