I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
