i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
