I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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