You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
